Monday, October 27, 2014

Walk Upon the Water: Round 2

In August of 2013 I wrote a blog post about St. Peter (Walk Upon The Water) related to the song that I had recently heard: Oceans by Hillsong. This song was one of my signs from God to make the bold move to become a full-time Catholic Missionary. I completely trusted in God to go wherever He would call me and to have the faith that He would provide everything I needed. Each lyric was truly inviting me deeper into the anointed call of missions.
Now, a good year later, the song has a completely different meaning in my life.

Before and after returning home from missions, I received many beautiful emails from missionaries around the world and family and friends says they were praying for me and they love me despite the situation. Well, I received this email from an FMC missionary living state-side just a few days after finding out officially that the Lord had blessed me with life, and this is what it said:

Hello Breana,

Peace in JESUS!

I just wanted to write you a quick note to say that I love you. I know that you probably feel all over the place right now, trying to make hard decisions and do hard things - but I want you to know that we are covering you in prayer and love right now. 

Yesterday morning we were singing at morning prayer and we sang Oceans by Hillsong and it always makes me think of you when I hear it because you were the first person to introduce me to it! I felt a strong anointing of the Holy Spirit - I think you should re-read the lyrics and allow them to penetrate your heart!

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

The part that really made me think of you and your situation is - "your grace abounds in deepest water" - I know all of this was not part of your plan but I know and firmly believe that God can make so much beauty from everything - even our mistakes - and He really is present in a deep and intimate way in our greatest trials. Please be assured of our love and affection for you. I am praying for you and here for you if you need anything at all - please don't hesitate to ask. 

This song made perfect sense in describing my first year in missions, but now the words are about the beauty and immense suffering of a single mother who is struggling daily to give all of herself to the Lord.
Just as Peter denied Jesus over and over and over again, after the Resurrection Jesus asks Peter 3 times, "Peter, do you love me?"
I really believe the times I betray Jesus and fall into sin, He lovingly asks me, "Breana, do you love me?" and I respond, "yes Lord, I love you."
Jesus replies: "Then feed My sheep."

My missionary call is not invalid because of my sin, it is redeemed and made perfect and made beautiful in the eyes of God. He is calling me to understand that in the deepest of waters-in the deepest of sins, His grace abounds EVEN more. His grace is guiding me through this awkward unexpected turn of events from single missionary to single mother.

Peter, an avid follower of Jesus, denied Jesus and repented and Jesus still called him to "feed My sheep"...and Peter became the first Pope.
I do know and firmly believe that God can make so much beauty from our mistakes and trials. We can see that from the witnesses of the people in the Bible and even in my own witness.
I KNOW that God can create beauty out of mess.
I KNOW that I am still being asked daily be Jesus, "feed My sheep."
So I will fulfill the new mission the Lord has called me to in this present moment of my life.

Visit this super cool link to see each lyric related to scripture and to hear the song!
Oceans (Where Feet May Fail): Song and Scripture

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