You Lead Me

As I rode in the passanger seat of my moms car on Hwy 90 going home to Thibodaux, I had a flashback to Sunday, August 18 - the day my mom picked me up from the Family Missions Company 'Come and See' Retreat. We were listening to the Christian band All Sons and Daughters when my mom was hysterically crying because she did not want me to become a Missionary. I was incredibly calm the whole ride knowing that if God was calling me to be a Missionary, He would comfort my mom. She kept saying that I could not go until she got a sign from God (she actually said, "He needs to come down here and TELL ME." But who's quoting?). I told her that she had to listen. ...bad idea... She said that she does listen and she prays really hard but He doesn't tell her anything. She had just been crying and crying and scared all week. I understood where she was coming from. You see, I was on the retreat crying as well. I didn't want to disobey my parents and leave our house if it made them so upset, but I also did not want to avoid or decline the call that Jesus had so graciously given me. In the end I had to make the decision if I would totally rely on God to take care of me and most importantly, take care of my family. Back to the "sign" thing that my mother was asking God for. I kind of took a nap in the car but then I dramatically woke up, wiped the drool off my face, and said, "YOU SEE! This is how God sends signs!!!" The song that was playing...if that wasn't a sign, I'm not sure what is! Well, she ignored me. And I completely understand...I would have ignored me too initially if I were in her shoes.
The song that was playing is called "Called Me Higher" and I've never noticed what the words meant until that car ride. The lyrics made me realize that it would be easy to stay in the comfort of home and the routine of my daily life... but God has called me higher and deeper and I will go where He will lead me - because what could be better than that? He opened up the door for me and I recognized it and I want to run through it. I want to run to Him. I cannot get enough. Even though it was Hell watching my mom and dad suffer, I was in some type of mystical ecstasy... the God of the Universe is calling ME to serve the poor and to have a direct encounter with Jesus...every single day. He is calling ME to be a missionary. Dude, I still cannot even fathom it. Of course, mom didn't see that the song was about me.
Fast forward to this week. I was listening to my music and she walks in and said, "I like this band. They sing a song and it's you." Well, forgetting all about the car ride and the song (because I subconsciously blocked out my mothers suffering), I kept playing all their songs to find the one she was talking about. Once it hit me, I played it and she started crying and she said, "Breana, it's you." Then she started singing along with the parts she knew. Ahh, so cute. I love it when she sings and when she dances and when she embarrasses me. I've always loved it. Who wouldn't be proud of their cool crazy mom?!

So this all leads me to night before last. Me, some college church friends, and my mom went to the Audrey Assad concert in Lafayette (which is near Abbeville). The concert was incredible, of course, but watching my mom love the concert was so much more incredible. Seeing my family encounter Jesus is.. ahhh.. it's just the most wonderful thing. My mom was actin the fool at this concert and she was enjoying EVERY SECOND of it!
Anyway, on the way home, we took the same Highway as we did going home from the Come and See Retreat. We were on Hwy 90 and listening to All Sons and Daughters and "Called Me Higher" comes on and she tells everyone in the car that this song is about me. So we sang it together and I knew she was probably tearing up a little bit, but this time she was not crying out of anger or fear; she is proud of me. She understands that I am saying yes to God's call. Why not give just 2 years of my life to God as a Missionary? (I mean I hope I am called to more years of missionary life...but He's the Boss.)
In 19 days my mother made a radical change from being so upset and angry and almost standoff-ish to the idea of listening to God in different ways to listening to Him in the quiet of her heart and to scripture and through the kindness of others. As my dad said, "In the 62 years I've been alive, God had never talked to me." No. That's a lie. God may speak to you through images, art, music, people, scripture, the sacraments... you just can't be close minded. You have to open your heart to listen to the whisper.


If you'd like to hear the song: Called Me Higher by All Sons and Daughters

"I will be Yours, I will be Yours for all my life..."